“The One Who Said It Wasn’t A Date”

I was looking forward to this date, I had done my homework and had his credentials; in no particular order, he works in social media, 5ft 10, sometimes bearded, Londoner, likes pale ale. I (for once) had all the small things covered. Not like when meeting Square and Lame Name.

We met and after counselling because he had – long sentence alert – charismatically chatted about how he switched careers into social media and was at the end of an elongated internship (he’s not just tweeting for someone, he’s all about the data) and he said had no job to go to. Please pause to breathe.

I felt initially I couldn’t get a word in. He had also said he’d forgotten anything we’d chatted about prior to the date so things like where I’m from, what I do and family background needed to be done again. Talk about making me feel great. Isn’t it a rule you try to remember some things about your date before you show up?

He then said, just as we were nearing the end of our second drink, this was not a date, just two people having drinks. Not the first time a date has told me this, in fact Ronald McDonald said similar, after our first date (and I actually met him three times so who knows whether that was three meetings or what, three arguments perhaps). Isn’t it a rule you try to remember some things about your meeting/interview before you show up?

When I did get a word in, it was about my forthcoming trip to New York. He did give me some tips, I’ll give him that, but he had already given them to me before when we’d been messaging. But (ok never start a sentence with but) to then say “this isn’t a date” kills it like a full swipe at the neck like Littlefinger – there is nothing I can do to make this any better. We talked about maybe we should think of it as meeting in a bar, but the damage was done and the interview questions (‘what’s your favourite letter of the alphabet?’ – a favourite of mine to ask when I am struggling) ensued.

I appreciate that online/app dating teeters with interviewing. But, if I think back to dates that have gone well (The Dickhead, The Big Man, Second Chancer to an extent, PC G – that’s one for another day,  and others) the reason they do is:

A) they chuck in a compliment, a simple “you smell nice” is a sure way to know you might be ok on this date straight off, or they make you feel you can give one and then you’re all set. I’m not sure what compliments I gave any of the above, if any, FYI.

B) they take any small talk on the chin and don’t overthink it. 

We talked about how if you met in a bar you probably wouldn’t know the entire life back story, I’d agree but perhaps you do find this out. It shouldn’t matter if you do or don’t. Shouldn’t online/app dating just cut me some slack and stick with what it’s like to meet in a bar? That it’s chemistry that makes it work… If I don’t look like my photos, that wouldn’t matter if you met in a bar, nor would it necessarily matter how I talk. Just throw the interview part out and focus on what apparently makes a date a date. 

The non date descended into “would you rather” questions and now I know his Nando’s order.

I understand in London we, men and women, are all too quick to pick holes when it comes to dating and find excuses, I’m good at it, but “when you know, you know”. He clearly knew and I know that he is not the one.

Also, the last three dates have now had rubbish code names!

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