Initially Square was one of these people I knew little about, he wanted a date without too much small talk, but was busy as was I. He was a bit of an odd one in previous weeks, asking me if I was free on Fridays (er no, saved for post work mayhem most of the time, definitely not a first date), or any day without much warning. I’m not that available!

I also hardly knew anything about him, but moving from tinder and stilted messaging to whatsapp meant I could ask the important things: what do you do, how tall are you, who do you live with… ok so I don’t always ask these. See Lame Name.

We made plans to meet up. It sounded promising, it was to follow the day after my date with Lame Name (which by the way Square had asked to swap days with – not that he knew I already had a date, Lame Name was easy to swap). Then Square bailed on me for working late on Thursday, so suggested the weekend and I gave him a Saturday afternoon slot.

He suggested coffee.

I went along with this suggestion after a heavy Friday night (I’d awoken from a nap about 10 mins before I had to leave to meet him). I went to the coffee shop to be told that they were closing, but apparently I looked like I needed a coffee so could have it on the house. I was starting well.

Anyway, Square and I went somewhere else and the conversation went into quite a bit about my employer since a competitor was one of his company’s preferred suppliers. It was interesting but I did wonder what else he had to make this a fun date, because it was lacking. It was a nice sunny day, yet we were indoors and he’d worn a jacket… I was not sure. He was just so square, by this I mean boring, nothing much to make him stand out, he was regular – ok we were sober but there was nothing to make him any better than say, Lame Name.

I attempted to improve the conversation with a chat about Game of Thrones (a mutual interest), and how the White-Walkers managed to get chains down to the dragon; he hadn’t even realised this was a potential flaw to the penultimate episode to season 7. I suspect he doesn’t read BuzzFeed. I’d already referred him to the moment when Tormund says he wants to make babies with Brienne of Tarth; I’m not sure Square would ever say anything like that about a woman.

Anyway, a coffee date can’t go on that long… I had already said I may meet friends and he had his parents staying (obviously he didn’t tell them where he was going). So we departed ways, he said “it was nice to meet you” which is normally code for “take care” which is normally code for “you are the weakest link, goodbye”.

I’m ok with this. He’s not the one.

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